I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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