omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
