Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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