When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
