i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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