I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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