come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
