the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
