The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
