On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
