I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
