can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
