I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
