I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
