We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
