This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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