she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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