I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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