Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
