ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
