I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
