he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
