ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Are my feet made of real feet?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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