the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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