I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
