Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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