I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
