On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
