i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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