I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
