i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
