WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
