They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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