Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
