you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
