this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
