Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
