it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
