I can text with my tongue
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So much rum. So many feels.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
