why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
