I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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