She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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