dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
