if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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