I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
