bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
