The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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