it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
