Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm always down for nudity.
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