its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
