I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
