Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
