So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
