so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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