Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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