that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
