I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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