What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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