You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
