I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
