You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
