it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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